Not Falling Apart

Yesterday started out as a normal day.

I got up, took the husband to work so I could have the car for the day, headed to my doctor appointment, ran errands and came home.

Yesterday afternoon, though, it occurred to me that I hadn't felt the baby move since the night before. And my Dr. had a little trouble finding his heartbeat at my appointment that morning.

I did my best to remain calm. I really have not freaked out about anything since this pregnancy started. So I drank a large glass of orange juice and laid down on my side like they recommend to get the baby moving.

I laid down for an hour, switching sides, and nothing was happening. He wasn't moving at all.

Cue major freak out. I got in the car and started driving to my husband's office. I called him crying and told him what was happening and he had me call my doctor. I called my doctor and they told me to head to the hospital.

I was pretty much hysterical. I got to my husband's office and we headed to the hospital.

They got me in pretty quickly and got me on the monitors. They found his heartbeat right away. They were showing me his movements on the monitors and I still couldn't feel him moving at all. They monitored him and me for a couple hours and in that time I only felt him once at the very end (and after a nurse came and started pressing on my belly) and according to the monitors he was moving constantly.

They did the ultrasound and apparently his back has turned to my belly and his hands and feet are facing my back making it more difficult for me to feel him move. My placenta also moved and is blocking some of his movements.

So, I'm not crazy. Or hormonal and over-reacting. Thank goodness.

I was so afraid I would go in and they would treat me like I was a hysterical, hormonal, crazy woman. But they didn't. They said I did all the right things by drinking the juice and lying down and when it didn't work, coming in. That made me feel so much better. I am so impressed by the staff at our hospital and I am now more happy than ever that we have chosen that hospital for this little man to be born at.

At the end of the night I was absolutely exhausted and could barely bring myself to drag myself into bed.

I am so thankful for my husband who was amazing through the whole thing and stayed very calm which calmed me down, too. He was just what I needed to keep me from going over the deep end (at least more than I already had). I love him and I am so grateful for him.

When it's all said and done, the little man is ok, perfect even, and although I was scared out of my mind for a few hours I will take that scare and the positive results over the alternative.

Now, I need no more scares for the next 7 1/2 weeks!!!!

12 Weeks

I am 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.

I just want to take a moment and reflect on that. I also want to say how incredibly grateful I am to be at this point. I am overwhelmed.

This last week or so has been a little hectic. I went to my first ob appointment and I was less than thrilled with the OB. She was pretty rude the whole time and pretty much called me a liar and also did not seem to understand PCOS and all that went with it. She was a... treat.

I did get an ultrasound, though.

This is the lil nug at 11 weeks. This ultrasound really hit me in such a more emotional way than the others before it. Even more than seeing and hearing the heartbeat because at this ultrasound I got to see the lil nug MOVE. It was... unbelievable. There was my tiny little baby wiggling around and waving it's tiny arms and legs. It truly looked like it was dancing. And it's really starting to look like a REAL baby! It was an amazing moment. 

Needless to say I decided to ditch that Ob, though. She was a real bitch. I got set up with another OB and I really like him so I think we'll stick with him. 

Other than doctor appointments this last week has been mostly about me staying in bed. I got a migraine that kept me down for a day and my nausea has made a reappearance which has kept me pretty useless the last week. 

I wanted to be pregnant for such a long time. I knew there were aspects to pregnancy that would not be easy and would challenge me but I think I also majorly romanticized it. I thought if I can just get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy than nothing else will matter. And to a certain extent that is absolutely true. I am thrilled to be pregnant. 

But, physically, this is hard. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. This isn't me complaining about being pregnant at all. This is me being completely realistic. It is just... hard. 

Now, would I trade any of the difficulty? Absolutely not. Because the end reward will be worth it times a thousand. But I definitely glossed over the difficult aspects of this in my mind and I have most assuredly gotten my reality check!!!

In other news, I am changing my degree plan. I was working on my associates and then when finished with that was going to transfer to my Bachelor's but I decided to go ahead and switch over to my bachelor's program now. The classes are shorter and I will be able to make my schedule a little more family friendly. 

My husband will be done with his last class of his degree soon and I can't wait until he can take a break from school and just relax a little. He has been in school non-stop for over three years only taking two weeks off a year and I can't wait to see him be able to relax and enjoy himself for a bit. He works way too hard. 

Again, this post was a little all over the place and had no real theme or goal. Sorry I've been so scattered. Hopefully as I get into this second trimester I will be feeling more like myself and be more dedicated. Until then, I'm thinking about you all and I can't wait to hear about more BFP's!!!! 

One Year Ago...

One year ago today I wrote my first blog post. I was on my second day of my first dose of clomid.

When I look back over this year and all that has happened and how far we have come I feel so humbled and blessed.

This last year has definitely had its ups and downs. I cried more tears than I thought possible but at the end of the day I ended up just where I wanted to be... with a husband I love more and more everyday and a baby in my belly.

What more can I ask for?

Thank you all for following my journey and for all the support and love I've gotten over the last year has astounded me. I love following your stories and I hope and pray that we all end up with our heart's desires.



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