My Give a Damn's Busted

I had my cycle day 10 ultrasound and E2 bloodwork this morning. I also had them check on my thyroid because I have been really feeling sluggish lately and I just felt like my thyroid must be really off. So my thyroid medication will be increased.

Follicle wise I have a 13, a 12 and an 11 (and for those that don't know, we want the follicles on the ovaries to be at an 18 before it should release an egg and they should grow about 2 mm a day if not more with the injections). Soooo, basically, we've got three potential eggs going on again even with the reduced follistim.

My E2 came back fine but just like I guessed my thyroid wasn't in a normal range. I am so glad that I had them check on that because it's so important to have normal thyroid levels when TTC and in pregnancy.

Because it's Thursday I am to do another dose of the 75 iu's of follistim tomorrow night and then do my trigger shots Sunday night. Because I have been responding so well to this cocktail of meds I don't even have to go in for another ultrasound. I am welcome to, of course, and can go in on Saturday or Sunday but Dr. Baby is comfortable having me continue as is without another ultrasound and bloodwork.

Something hit me last night... this cycle I am completely apathetic. I am making all the right moves and taking all the correct meds and doing my shots when I need to and following all the 'rules'. But... I just don't care. I literally wasn't worried about this morning's ultrasound. I mean, I was glad I didn't get bad news, but I wasn't excited like I have been in past cycles. I have been very 'eh' about it all.

I am not full of hope and optimism for this cycle and have in fact counted out the days to make sure that I can cycle in December and that Christmas will not interfere with me cycling. And I am good on that count. I can cycle in December without any interference from the Holidays.

I don't know if I am subconsciously protecting myself from the heartbreak of last cycle. I probably am. Because let's face it... I'm still recovering from that horrible let down and the complete idiocy I let my mind take me to.

Good news about being so apathetic is that I've barely been paying attention or obsessing at all. I've barely been able to keep track of my cycle days and had to set alarms on my phone to remind me when to do my injections and take my pills.

Hopefully, this bodes well for the two week wait. I hope that I remain sane through it all.

Overall, I did get good news today. I am just trying to find that place within where I give a damn.

We'll see what We See

My cycle day 10 ultrasound follicle check and E2 bloodwork is in the morning.

My ovaries have been feeling achy but I am still nervous to find out what is going on in there!!

Follicular Forecast UPDATE

Don't you love these little updates? They're like the weather forecast... So here goes:

In the south we have a good, strong uterus with a thick and sticky lining measuring over 7 (yay). To the west we have an ovary with a 17 mm follicle and a 16 mm follicle. To the east we have an ovary with another 17 mm follicle. Depending on the on the call we have sweeping through this afternoon it looks like a high chance of trigger shots and at least a double ovulation this weekend (slight chance of triple ovulation).

So what do you think of the forecast? Favorable conditions for conception?!?

UPDATE:


OH MY GOD!

I just got the afternoon instructions call and the nurse freaked me the EFF out!! She said that I had 6 mature follicles and that the cycle was cancelled or IVF. I was like WHAAAAAT!?? I only had 3 this morning!!

She put me on hold and went to go check... turns out the nurse this morning had measured each follicle a few times to make sure that she was getting accurate results and they read the report wrong. WHEW!

So they're letting me continue with a lecture about high chances for multiples but said as long as we're comfortable with it they say it's fine.

Trigger shot tomorrow night between 6-8 PM and sexy time Saturday, Sunday and Monday night.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I am about to ovulate THREE EGGS!!!

This is INSANE!!!!!!

I'm so excited (and ok a little scared about all three getting fertilized and then they all start splitting... AHHH!).

Come What May

I got the call from Dr. Baby's nurse yesterday and got my E2 results and further instructions.

My E2 was 94.7. And apparently I have a few more follicles going on than the nurse told me during the ultrasound. Along with the 14 and 2 12'2 I also had an 11 and a couple 10's thrown in there as well.

Dr. Baby's nurse told me that if I have more than three follicles my cycle is cancelled or we can do a last minute IVF. WHAAAAT!?!?! We are so NOT prepared to jump to IVF... that is a huge leap for us, physically and financially. Even with three follicles they are not thrilled with letting me go forward... they will let me but it comes with a huge warning of multiples.

Dr. Baby's verdict: I am having a 'robust response'. Again... WHAAAAAT!?!?

Here I was disappointed because I thought I wasn't responding well and there my ovaries go over-producing. I can't keep up!!!

Honestly, when I got this call yesterday I was just... shell shocked. I didn't know what to think... I wondered around Target in a daze and all of a sudden I was questioning everything...

Can I REALLY do this? Can I really be a mom, let alone a good mom? What about a mom to MULTIPLES!?!? Let me tell you.. I was FUH-REAKING OUT.

Thankfully, my husband was just so matter of fact about it all that I calmed right down. He's just so... 'yeah of course you'll be a good mom.' Like there was never a question about it all. He has confidence in me.

Anyway, this evening I did one more injection of 100 iu's of follistim per Dr's orders and tomorrow morning I have another ultrasound and bloodwork to see what is going on with these crazy ovaries.

I can't believe that I am sitting here praying for less follicles to grow!!

We are all on Drugs

So... today was my cycle day 10 check. We needed to see what those ovaries are doing on the femara and follistim combination.

Official results:

1 follicle measuring at 14
2 follicles measuring at 12

So... not AMAZING. But not awful. I am waiting to hear from Dr. Baby's nurse about my E2 levels. I know that I am going to need a few more days of stimming with the follistim but I don't know the doses or days until I get that call later today.

They said that the 14 is the one to watch but I am hoping that those 12's grow, too and give me those 3 follicles I've been hoping for...

So for now... we are all STILL on drugs.

Stick it to Me

It is cycle day 8.

I still am not sure what is happening in there with my ovaries but I feel like it is something good!

I have done two of my injections so far with one more tomorrow night.

So far the injections haven't been bad at all. There is some stinging when I take the needle out and my belly is bruised up pretty well; but other than that it has just been excitement to be more aggressive!

Since Thursday I have been feeling pretty consistently achy in the ovary area. I have felt this before during my cycle a few months ago when I did actually ovulate. But I only felt it in smaller doses and it was the night before my ultrasound (so around CD 12). So I am feeling it stronger and more consistently. I hope that means good things are happening in there!

I find out Wednesday morning how many follicles I have going on and if I need a day or two more of the Follistim.

I am hoping for 3. For several reasons... 3 is my favorite number. I don't know why, it just is and always has been. And I want 3 because I feel like 3 will significantly raise our chances but won't put us at too high a risk for multiples. Although multiples wouldn't be bad. I know my husband would be really, really happy with that! :)

I haven't really had any side effects this month from the femara or follistim except I've been feeling really, really tired. I want to nap all the time! And there was some slight nausea last night but only after about 4 spinny fast rides at a carnival.

Oh and did I mention that if this cycle works that my due date would be my husband's birthday?!?

How's that for a sign!?!?

I am happy and excited to see what happens!!!

I say a little Prayer

Well, this new cycle is officially underway!

It is cycle day 5 today and I am on day 3 of femara and I did my first follistim injection tonight. The injection itself was not a big deal at all. It was a pen and a very small needle. The emotions of taking it to the next level and what these injections mean... Overwhelming and exciting.

I can feel the hope surging again. I am getting really excited about this cycle. And that scares me. I want to be hopeful and happy but I know that the more hopeful I get the harder I will fall if this cycle doesn't work.

But I still found myself longingly wandering through the baby section at Target. I am so so ready.

In other news, I went to my first Resolve support group meeting on Tuesday. I was so incredibly nervous walking in all by myself but once it started and I started hearing the stories, I relaxed. The things these women have gone through... let me just say they are amazingly strong women.

I felt almost guilty being there because my struggles are so much less than what so many of these women have gone through. I just felt like my journey has been so much less challenging than the other couples there.

The most exciting thing to me is I got a chance to talk to the leader of the group after the meeting about volunteer opportunities with Resolve. I am so excited to get involved!

I encourage everyone to seek out a support group in their area by going here on the Resolve website.

I am planning on doing some weekly baking posts but I haven't gotten around to it just yet.  But stay tuned... they are coming eventually.

Wednesday is my next appointment with more femara and injections in between now and then. I am hoping for multiple follicles to heighten our chances this cycle. But we will have to wait and see what happens.

Until then I say a little prayer.

It's Not Over

Yesterday afternoon I got a call. A really great call.

Dr. Baby's nurse was calling to see if I wanted to come in for my consult today instead of next week. I jumped on it. Even though the appointment was at 8 in the morning. All the way across town.

And BONUS! On Wednesdays my adorable husband doesn't have to go to work until 11. So I got to drag his ass out of bed before 7 am with me. I REALLY hate getting up early in the morning all by myself!

So the husband finally got to meet Dr. Baby. And he loved him! Just like I do.

We went over all my questions (and let's face it... I had A LOT of questions) and decided on the new treatment plan.

Tomorrow I start prometrium to bring on a period. Then I will continue with femara days 3-7, adding injections of follistim on days 5, 7, and 9. Follicle check ultrasound on day 10 and, depending on those results and these stubborn ovaries of mine, ovidrel trigger shots.

Then sex-a-palooza.

I was initially concerned about follistim being covered by my insurance (even though everything else has been covered thus far). I called my insurance company and it is covered as long as it's not prescribed in conjunction with non-coital procedures.

A.K.A... you can bang until you're blue in the face but if the bangin' don't work you're out of luck!!

So this cycle should be underway soon...

LET THE BANGING COMMENCE!

18 mm Forward 9.5 mm Back

Yesterday was my cycle day 11 follicle check ultrasound. I wasn't very worried about it since last month went so well. There were moments when I thought about the possibility of things not going as well as last month but I mostly discounted those moments as paranoia.

Going into my appointment I was just recovering from a 2 day migraine. I was tired and sluggish and really just wanted to get in and out of there so I could go back home and crawl in bed. Thank goodness for the blood draw lady (phlebotomist?) at Dr. Baby's office. She makes me laugh every time.

I knew things weren't awesome during my ultrasound when the nurse was so quiet and kept rearranging the wand to get a better view of my ovaries. And when she announced that my uterine lining wasn't exactly where they wanted it to be. They wanted it to be over 7 and it was a little over 6. Not awful... just not awesome.

My biggest follicle was 9.5 mm. Last month on cycle day 11 I had a 12 mm follicle that became an 18 mm follicle by cycle day 14 allowing me to trigger on cycle day 15.

I left the appointment really discouraged. I wasn't devastated. Just kind of... morose. I decided to indulge in some retail therapy while I waited for the call from Dr. Baby with the game plan. And when I say retail therapy, I mean SERIOUS retail therapy.

Good news is that I distracted myself pretty well and actually got started on Christmas shopping. I also decided on some projects that I am going to start so I can make some presents. I figure that these projects will keep me busy and nicely distracted from worrying about my follicles.

I got the call from Dr. Baby's nurse and I go back on Monday for a re-check ultrasound. Until then, Dr. Baby has given me strict instructions to relax and take it easy this weekend because stress can delay ovulation and follicle growth.

So I will try and go forth into this weekend with the plan of relaxation, no stress and maybe a pedicure.

I also may or may not have bought a few pounds of raspberries to scarf down.

Aren't they pretty?!

Monday will come soon enough and I will find out the fate of this cycle.

And hopefully I won't have to give these stubborn ovaries a swift kick in the ass!

Counting Your Eggs

I haven't updated in a while. I've had so much going through my mind. I've had several blog post ideas running through my mind but haven't figured out how I want to write about them. I've had the ideas but my writing has been... stagnant, I guess.

We are more than halfway through our first cycle with Dr. Baby. I started the femara on cycle day three and took it through cycle day 7. The only side effects I had while on the femara were headaches. They got pretty bad but compared to the side effects of the clomid the femara was a piece of cake.

I went in on cycle day 11 for my first follicle check ultrasound and bloodwork. I was really excited that it landed on a Monday because my Husband was able to go with me. It was the first appointment he's been able to go to with me since we lived in Phoenix. Well, we went into the ultrasound and I had a few small follicles on my left ovary and a bigger one on my right. 12 mm. I was so excited! That is the biggest follicle I have ever had. Real progress for the first time! We went home and told to come back on cycle day 14 for another ultrasound to see if the 12 mm follicle had grown to 18.

Initially, I was so excited about a follicle that had grown at all but as the hours went on I started freaking myself out. I read too much on the internet and convinced myself that my follicle would stop growing. I got some good advice from SIF to eat some raspberries. I immediately called my husband and made him stop at the store on his way home from work. I ate so many raspberries over the course of the next three days. They were actually quite delicious.

We went in for my next check and my husband was able to come with me again, which was great, because I was so, so nervous. Immediately, she went to my right ovary and the 12 mm follicle became an 18!!!! I was so overwhelmed and excited I just started crying right there on the table, feet still in the stirrups and all. No other follicles grew, but all we need is one!! The poor ultrasound tech kept trying to get my to stop crying. As soon as she left the room all I could do was look at my husband and whimper through the tears 'It was the raspberries!!'

So thanks for that, SIF! :)

I took my trigger shots Friday night (cycle day 15) and they were a little painful but not bad. It was definitely different using a syringe on myself. The excitement of actual ovulation overshadowed any pain or discomfort. After the shots the whole weekend was spent relaxing and gettin' busy. :)

Right now we are in a holding pattern. We are officially in the two week wait. It truly is the longest two weeks ever. I have an appointment this Friday for more bloodwork to make sure that I did in fact ovulate.

I am a little overwhelmed. I can't believe for the first time in 3 years I just ovulated. Just the thought of it is so exciting! Which makes me feel a little ridiculous. Most women ovulate every single month and for me it is a huge momentous occasion!

My husband is convinced that if I ovulated I am definitely pregnant. I keep telling him not to count my eggs before they're hatched.

But I can't help but count them secretly along with him.