Life is not Fair

This is something that I have come to realize more and more lately.

Obviously, it was something that I lamented over the long 21 months that the husband and I tried to conceive. It was often a battle cry for me, "This isn't FAIR!" and "Why me?!".

Now that I have achieved the goal of getting pregnant and everything seems to be going very well I am still asking the same questions.

I feel it isn't fair that I am here carrying my dream when there are so many of you out there who are not. My heart aches for all of you so much. I think when I was going through infertility myself my heart was aching too much for myself for there to be room for it to ache for all of you. And now I am here, heart breaking that so many of you haven't made it here yet.

I do believe that you will all have your families. I do. With everything in me I know that all of us will end up with our happy families in the end. One way or another. We're too determined and deserving. I just have to believe that this will happen for all of us. One way or another.

I just had to get this out. I had to let you all know that as happy as I am for myself (and make no mistake I am crazy happy for my good luck) I am still thinking of all of you and praying for you every single day. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and I am pulling for each and every one of you.

Keeping the Faith

Thought I would do a quick little update.

Things are still pretty much the same here... symptoms galore and still no positive. I'm still not late, though. Today is cycle day 28 so I should be due tomorrow.

Until then I remain hopeful and I am still keeping the faith!

I hope to share some good news with you all soon!!

Turtle Time

Bonus points to anyone who knows about turtle time! :)

I've been thinking about signs a lot lately. I have never been a person who believed in signs or gave them much thought at all.

About three weeks ago though I ordered a fertility necklace from labelledame.com . I was really intrigued by it and what I learned when I read about it.

For one, I had no idea that sea turtles were considered a symbol of fertility. It makes total sense though when you know that a sea turtle lays 50-150 eggs at a time.

When we moved into our apartment one of the things I loved about our complex were the sea turtle details everywhere.

When we went on our trip to the Virgin Islands a few months ago we saw sea turtles on our snorkeling excursion. When I went searching for a Christmas ornament to take home and remember our trip by I bought a sea turtle ornament.

Heck, well over a year ago I even bought the fur baby, Oscar, a sea turtle toy.

Signs.

So when I went searching through La Belle Dame for fertility jewelry and saw the necklace with the sterling silver sea turtle all these things came rushing back to me. I bought it. And I got it today.

                                                              picture from labelledame.com

I have been waiting anxiously for this necklace to arrive as my new cycle should be starting this weekend.

I also learned what the stones on the necklace mean. There are moonstones and rose quartz. Moonstone is said to aid receptivity, and help prepare the mother-to-be to welcome new life. It promotes female reproductive health (which, let's face it, is sorely needed right about now).

Rose quartz is said to help promote and support a new pregnancy and help protect it from miscarriage (which I definitely need considering my mother's history). It is also said to balance our emotions through the journey to conceive. And, well... yeah. I need that, for sure. (all information on stone meanings from labelledame.com and Kimberly de Montbrun)

So... signs. I never gave them much credit before. I've never been a superstitious person. I've never believed in magick or mythical creatures (well... except for mermaids. But I maintain that they're just too elusive for us to find!). But maybe I am coming around a little bit on these signs.

At this point I am ready to try anything. And even if the beads on this necklace don't have any special powers and a sterling silver turtle around my neck won't get me pregnant... it will be a daily reminder about what I am fighting for.

This journey has a way of stripping all hope and optimism right out of you. And then the littlest thing makes that hope surge again and that tiny spark of hope drives you on to keep trying month after month after month. You draw so many lines in the sand.... "Well, we'll do clomid but we will never do an IUI or try IVF." 6 months later... "Well, we can do a few IUI's but that is it!" Another 3 months later... "I wonder if I should start researching that IVF clinic in Barbados. Just in case."

These lines we draw. That keep moving and evolving and changing as our hope diminishes.

On the eve of a new cycle, I wear this necklace and every time I feel it and see it in the mirror I will remind myself to have the hope and perseverance to find my dream.

"Even miracles take a little time." -Cinderella