I'm Still Standing

First, I want to thank everyone for their lovely comments, support and love. It truly means the world to me. I am so thankful to share my journey with so many of you.

Second, the new cycle is officially underway! I went and had my cd 2 ultrasound the other day and all is quiet on the western front. No cysts. I did, however, get a small parade of nurses in my exam room to tell me how sorry and absolutely shocked they were that I wasn't pregnant. It was very sweet of them but I was still a bit fragile and had a hard time not just sobbing while sitting there naked from the waist down.

Sadly this is a common struggle in my life. Doesn't everyone have trouble not crying with their pants off in semi-public places?!

No? Just me? Hmmm.

Well, moving on, they are changing up my protocol just a bit this month. I am on femara days 3-7 and they are lowering my follistim dosage to 75 iu's on days 5, 7, and 9. I was a little disappointed about that. I know that my cycle was almost cancelled because of too many follicles but dangit, I want to try with three follicles again!!! Oh well. We shall see what we see at the cycle day 10 ultrasound.

The good news is that I should be all triggered and sexy time completed before Thanksgiving. We are headed to Boston on the 24th-30th to spend the Holiday with my Dad, Aunts, Cousins, and my hilarious 93 year old Grandmother. My husband hasn't met my extended family yet so it should be fun. We're praying for snow!!

The side benefit of this is that the trip falls in my two week wait which should keep me nicely distracted. And when we get back there is my favorite thing of all: Christmas decorating with my handsome husband! It's our favorite time of year and we love decorating our house. We make a day of it and have so much fun. So I really think this two week wait is going to go a bit smoother and I am really happy about that.

In other news, there are some changes in the wind for this lil blog!! A redesign is just getting started and we're even getting a new title! Because, let's face it, Sarah Q is kinda lame.

So get ready to see those changes coming soon to a blog near you.

Stick it to Me

It is cycle day 8.

I still am not sure what is happening in there with my ovaries but I feel like it is something good!

I have done two of my injections so far with one more tomorrow night.

So far the injections haven't been bad at all. There is some stinging when I take the needle out and my belly is bruised up pretty well; but other than that it has just been excitement to be more aggressive!

Since Thursday I have been feeling pretty consistently achy in the ovary area. I have felt this before during my cycle a few months ago when I did actually ovulate. But I only felt it in smaller doses and it was the night before my ultrasound (so around CD 12). So I am feeling it stronger and more consistently. I hope that means good things are happening in there!

I find out Wednesday morning how many follicles I have going on and if I need a day or two more of the Follistim.

I am hoping for 3. For several reasons... 3 is my favorite number. I don't know why, it just is and always has been. And I want 3 because I feel like 3 will significantly raise our chances but won't put us at too high a risk for multiples. Although multiples wouldn't be bad. I know my husband would be really, really happy with that! :)

I haven't really had any side effects this month from the femara or follistim except I've been feeling really, really tired. I want to nap all the time! And there was some slight nausea last night but only after about 4 spinny fast rides at a carnival.

Oh and did I mention that if this cycle works that my due date would be my husband's birthday?!?

How's that for a sign!?!?

I am happy and excited to see what happens!!!

I say a little Prayer

Well, this new cycle is officially underway!

It is cycle day 5 today and I am on day 3 of femara and I did my first follistim injection tonight. The injection itself was not a big deal at all. It was a pen and a very small needle. The emotions of taking it to the next level and what these injections mean... Overwhelming and exciting.

I can feel the hope surging again. I am getting really excited about this cycle. And that scares me. I want to be hopeful and happy but I know that the more hopeful I get the harder I will fall if this cycle doesn't work.

But I still found myself longingly wandering through the baby section at Target. I am so so ready.

In other news, I went to my first Resolve support group meeting on Tuesday. I was so incredibly nervous walking in all by myself but once it started and I started hearing the stories, I relaxed. The things these women have gone through... let me just say they are amazingly strong women.

I felt almost guilty being there because my struggles are so much less than what so many of these women have gone through. I just felt like my journey has been so much less challenging than the other couples there.

The most exciting thing to me is I got a chance to talk to the leader of the group after the meeting about volunteer opportunities with Resolve. I am so excited to get involved!

I encourage everyone to seek out a support group in their area by going here on the Resolve website.

I am planning on doing some weekly baking posts but I haven't gotten around to it just yet.  But stay tuned... they are coming eventually.

Wednesday is my next appointment with more femara and injections in between now and then. I am hoping for multiple follicles to heighten our chances this cycle. But we will have to wait and see what happens.

Until then I say a little prayer.

It's Not Over

Yesterday afternoon I got a call. A really great call.

Dr. Baby's nurse was calling to see if I wanted to come in for my consult today instead of next week. I jumped on it. Even though the appointment was at 8 in the morning. All the way across town.

And BONUS! On Wednesdays my adorable husband doesn't have to go to work until 11. So I got to drag his ass out of bed before 7 am with me. I REALLY hate getting up early in the morning all by myself!

So the husband finally got to meet Dr. Baby. And he loved him! Just like I do.

We went over all my questions (and let's face it... I had A LOT of questions) and decided on the new treatment plan.

Tomorrow I start prometrium to bring on a period. Then I will continue with femara days 3-7, adding injections of follistim on days 5, 7, and 9. Follicle check ultrasound on day 10 and, depending on those results and these stubborn ovaries of mine, ovidrel trigger shots.

Then sex-a-palooza.

I was initially concerned about follistim being covered by my insurance (even though everything else has been covered thus far). I called my insurance company and it is covered as long as it's not prescribed in conjunction with non-coital procedures.

A.K.A... you can bang until you're blue in the face but if the bangin' don't work you're out of luck!!

So this cycle should be underway soon...

LET THE BANGING COMMENCE!

Counting Your Eggs

I haven't updated in a while. I've had so much going through my mind. I've had several blog post ideas running through my mind but haven't figured out how I want to write about them. I've had the ideas but my writing has been... stagnant, I guess.

We are more than halfway through our first cycle with Dr. Baby. I started the femara on cycle day three and took it through cycle day 7. The only side effects I had while on the femara were headaches. They got pretty bad but compared to the side effects of the clomid the femara was a piece of cake.

I went in on cycle day 11 for my first follicle check ultrasound and bloodwork. I was really excited that it landed on a Monday because my Husband was able to go with me. It was the first appointment he's been able to go to with me since we lived in Phoenix. Well, we went into the ultrasound and I had a few small follicles on my left ovary and a bigger one on my right. 12 mm. I was so excited! That is the biggest follicle I have ever had. Real progress for the first time! We went home and told to come back on cycle day 14 for another ultrasound to see if the 12 mm follicle had grown to 18.

Initially, I was so excited about a follicle that had grown at all but as the hours went on I started freaking myself out. I read too much on the internet and convinced myself that my follicle would stop growing. I got some good advice from SIF to eat some raspberries. I immediately called my husband and made him stop at the store on his way home from work. I ate so many raspberries over the course of the next three days. They were actually quite delicious.

We went in for my next check and my husband was able to come with me again, which was great, because I was so, so nervous. Immediately, she went to my right ovary and the 12 mm follicle became an 18!!!! I was so overwhelmed and excited I just started crying right there on the table, feet still in the stirrups and all. No other follicles grew, but all we need is one!! The poor ultrasound tech kept trying to get my to stop crying. As soon as she left the room all I could do was look at my husband and whimper through the tears 'It was the raspberries!!'

So thanks for that, SIF! :)

I took my trigger shots Friday night (cycle day 15) and they were a little painful but not bad. It was definitely different using a syringe on myself. The excitement of actual ovulation overshadowed any pain or discomfort. After the shots the whole weekend was spent relaxing and gettin' busy. :)

Right now we are in a holding pattern. We are officially in the two week wait. It truly is the longest two weeks ever. I have an appointment this Friday for more bloodwork to make sure that I did in fact ovulate.

I am a little overwhelmed. I can't believe for the first time in 3 years I just ovulated. Just the thought of it is so exciting! Which makes me feel a little ridiculous. Most women ovulate every single month and for me it is a huge momentous occasion!

My husband is convinced that if I ovulated I am definitely pregnant. I keep telling him not to count my eggs before they're hatched.

But I can't help but count them secretly along with him.

Hallelujah

Everything feels so right. Right now I am so happy and excited.

I had another appointment with Dr. Baby. I was so nervous! After my run in with one of his nurses last week where she basically told me I was too fat to have a baby and to call back in a few months, I had no idea what was in store for me.

I did see that nurse. She didn't speak to me but she also didn't look too happy to see me. She was kind of shooting me dirty looks. Thankfully, I was quickly tucked away in Dr. Baby's office and his other nurse took care of everything else with me for the rest of the appointment. The other nurse is way nicer than Nurse Ratchet.

Dr. Baby came in and apologized immediately for Nurse Ratchet. He was so nice. He didn't even broach the subject of losing weight before starting a cycle. He just asked me if i was ready to make a baby.

He went over my new treatment plan. I start prometrium tonight to bring on a period. And also another medication to lower my DHEA-S levels to promote ovulation. He also is not having me go back on the clomid. I will be going on Femara and after the results of my mid-cycle scan and hcg trigger shot.

Dr. Baby is really confident that this cocktail will work. I am so excited to get this going! I am also really loving that femara doesn't have nearly the side effects of clomid. No hot flashes for me!!

I am so excited to get this process started. I am so thankful for such a wonderful doctor (even if one of his nurses is cranky). This is the first true cycle we will be doing with a fertility clinic and I am already seeing the difference.

Through all the heartache, uncertainty and emotional instability, I remain thankful. My journey is insignificant compared to so many other people who suffer from infertility. This experience has shown me so much and made me grow in ways that I never thought possible. It has made me a much more compassionate person. I can only hope that this experience makes me a better mother someday.

Oh my god. Mother. I'm going to be a mommy someday.

Hopefully someday very soon!