The Bitch is Back

I know. Once again I should apologize for being a crappy blogger.

Sorry, life has been extremely busy and when I do have time I always choose sleep over anything else.

But there are major things going on over here. Things I've been meaning to share for quite some time but haven't found the time to write about.

Right now I am supposed to be doing school work as the husband and the baby nap, so obviously I chose to blog instead. I am an excellent student.

So here is what is up.... We are officially TTC #2. We decided a few months ago that we did not want to wait an overly long amount of time so we made the plunge.

I have found a new RE. I miss my old one from Orlando SO MUCH, but the new one is good. He's not quite as awesome as Orlando, but he's agreed to follow the same protocol that got me pregnant with B even though it is not a protocol they often use at this clinic. So, I'm pretty happy about that. It took two cycles on the femara, follistim, and trigger shot plan to get me pregnant. I'm very hopeful that this will not take a long time.

I am currently in the middle of my diagnostic cycle. New Dr. wanted to redo tests since it has been two years since I've had them all done. I had my HSG done last week and it was much more painful than the first one. I was not expecting that, at all. But the results were that everything is perfect so I can't complain too much.

Now, here is the bad news. My crappy PCP messed up my thyroid. Pretty significantly. She upped my dose a few months ago because my TSH was a little elevated, although not above normal levels. When New Dr. checked my levels my TSH came back at .02. Low end of normal is .4. This is not good.

So now, new Dr does not want me cycling until my thyroid is at a normal level (they prefer under 2.5 but obviously, not this low). I understand why it needs to be at a normal level but I am SO frustrated at the delay.

I have officially been off my thyroid meds for a month in an effort to even out my levels. I called my PCP the other day to let them know what they did to me. They decreased my dose. Without doing any blood work whatsoever. They called in a new dose and told me they would retest me in 6 weeks. When I asked for blood work they told me no.

Does this strike anyone else as extremely irresponsible?! You messed me up before and now you're just putting me on a different dose without checking to see where I am at currently?! Needless to say I am not going back to them and have an appointment in the morning with a different Dr. I am hopeful that my levels have come back up in the last month.

So there it is in a nutshell. Life is crazy busy and it is a little difficult to fit appointments in around my school, my husband's work schedule (he travels quite a bit now) and B.

I committed the cardinal sin the other day. I took B with me to an appointment at the RE. I couldn't help it. My husband was out of town and I didn't have a babysitter. I felt awful sitting in the waiting room with him. And of course he took it as an opportunity to be babbling and laughing his little ass off. I kept trying to keep him quiet because I wanted to be as unobtrusive as possible. I know the hurt that comes with seeing a baby at an RE's office and I absolutely hated to do that to other women. But, I also don't want to start scrapping cycles because I don't have a babysitter seven times a month for monitoring appointments.

So, if you see me with my baby at the RE, PLEASE know that it is not my first choice and I am deeply sorry about the hurt we are causing you.

I will TRY my hardest to keep everyone updated on the TTC front.

Baby 2.0 is officially underway!

Hallelujah

Everything feels so right. Right now I am so happy and excited.

I had another appointment with Dr. Baby. I was so nervous! After my run in with one of his nurses last week where she basically told me I was too fat to have a baby and to call back in a few months, I had no idea what was in store for me.

I did see that nurse. She didn't speak to me but she also didn't look too happy to see me. She was kind of shooting me dirty looks. Thankfully, I was quickly tucked away in Dr. Baby's office and his other nurse took care of everything else with me for the rest of the appointment. The other nurse is way nicer than Nurse Ratchet.

Dr. Baby came in and apologized immediately for Nurse Ratchet. He was so nice. He didn't even broach the subject of losing weight before starting a cycle. He just asked me if i was ready to make a baby.

He went over my new treatment plan. I start prometrium tonight to bring on a period. And also another medication to lower my DHEA-S levels to promote ovulation. He also is not having me go back on the clomid. I will be going on Femara and after the results of my mid-cycle scan and hcg trigger shot.

Dr. Baby is really confident that this cocktail will work. I am so excited to get this going! I am also really loving that femara doesn't have nearly the side effects of clomid. No hot flashes for me!!

I am so excited to get this process started. I am so thankful for such a wonderful doctor (even if one of his nurses is cranky). This is the first true cycle we will be doing with a fertility clinic and I am already seeing the difference.

Through all the heartache, uncertainty and emotional instability, I remain thankful. My journey is insignificant compared to so many other people who suffer from infertility. This experience has shown me so much and made me grow in ways that I never thought possible. It has made me a much more compassionate person. I can only hope that this experience makes me a better mother someday.

Oh my god. Mother. I'm going to be a mommy someday.

Hopefully someday very soon!

Three Hopeful Thoughts

I know, I know. It's been awhile since I blogged. Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster this last month!! BUT we are in Orlando!! We still haven't found a place to live so we are staying in a hotel until we find a house or an apartment. We're roughing it a bit but it's so nice to have the packing and the driving part done at least.

Now on to the fun stuff!!!! I went to my new clinic today and if it's even possible I love it even more than the one in Phoenix!! My Doctor is AMAZING. He had so many good things to say and his credentials are so impressive. From here on out he will be Dr. Baby.

The office visit was so great and all the staff was wonderful and so thorough. One of the things that Dr. Baby suggested was putting me on some injectible meds usually used for diabetics that can help PCOS patients lose weight. He wants me to take a TTC break and do these injectibles for a few months and lose weight. He uses this method with almost all his PCOS patients and has seen amazing results. Overall, if I lose weight I will feel better, improve my PCOS symptoms, have a lower risk of miscarriage, and an easier pregnancy. I think that's worth a 3 month wait for a baby making cycle.

He also gave me a very simple, easy to follow diet specifically designed for PCOS that will help my body process foods in a different way. I am so excited!

I, of course, need to talk it all over with my husband tonight but I think my mind is pretty well made up on this one.

If I lose weight I hope that

1. I can improve or even cure my PCOS
2. I may be able to get pregnant without ovulation induction (aka ON MY OWN, PEOPLE!)
3. I will have a healthy pregnancy and baby at the end of all of this.

I feel like there are so many more options and doors open for me that I never knew about before! I am truly excited!

I'm not even minding having to stick myself with needles for the next few months!!!

I'm Alright

I am full of conflicting feelings. I am excited, motivated, crushed, determined, terrified, hurt and hopeful.

Last Thursday was my follicle check ultrasound. I went in nervous and trying so hard not to get my hopes up. I had no mature follicles. Again. I was devastated. The technician brought one of the doctors in to talk to me. My regular doctor wasn't available so I got someone different. He told me that this cycle is a bust. We talked about my cycle last month and he told me that although I got the LH surge I definitely did not release an egg, otherwise I would have gotten my period naturally. He told me to wait about 25 days, take a pregnancy test and if negative start the 5 day dose of provera. He wrote me a prescription for 150 mg of clomid for next month. I left, called my husband and cried in my car.

Earlier in the month at my last appointment with Dr. Amazing she had told me that she wanted me to go to a fertility clinic if this cycle didn't work. But now I had a choice. I could do one more round of clomid with them on the highest dose or I could just head to the clinic. I was so torn. I had already called the clinic I had chosen just in case the day before. I spent all day thinking about the options. I ended up calling the clinic again and getting the new patient paperwork just in case.

When my husband got home from work we sat down to discuss all our options. He surprised me. All along I have felt that I was willing to go further in this fertility process than he was. He had a moral dilemma about 'manufacturing' babies and how far was too far. He also felt like if God wanted us to have a baby then we would. I felt like if we were trying to have a designer baby or cloning someone then that would be too far. He sat down in front of me and told me how he had really been thinking about all our options. He said that he wanted to have a baby with me so badly that he was willing to do whatever was possible to make it happen.

On the one hand, I knew this. But it was so nice to hear. He thinks I'll be a good mom and that means the world to me. So, the decision was made.

We're going to the Fertility Clinic!!

I feel so good about this decision! We sat down and did all 23 pages of patient history. Well, I did 21 pages, he did 2. I faxed them to the clinic on Friday and yesterday we set our appointment. Monday April 5, 10 AM. I am so ready. But I am nervous at the same time. We also got our new Doctor's name and I looked him up and he's been named one of the top infertility doctors in our city. I am excited and anxious to get to that appointment and see what he has to say.

In clomid news, the side effects keep coming. Even though this cycle is a bust I still took my full dose and so I get to enjoy these lovely hot flashes for a few more weeks.

So until next week I am being the most amazing housewife imaginable! I am baking and cleaning and cooking and folding and running errands. And watching Days of Our Lives. I mean if there is anything in this world to take your mind off your own drama, it's a soap opera!!