Dancin' Away with my Heart

A little over four years ago I started dating this guy. 

He'd been pursuing me for a while and I finally caved and went out with him. I proceeded to have the best first date of my life (minus the part when I thought I was being kidnapped. That's a story for another day). 

A few weeks later he came over to my house for Thanksgiving and I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner for my family. This included my first Turkey. 

After dinner that guy was cleaning up (man... love it) and he looked at me and said "I saved the wishbone from the first turkey you ever cooked."

It was that moment that my heart officially became his. All I could think was "I'm in trouble."

My heart has been his since that day. 

This is that wishbone. 

My mom covered it with silver for us. It was originally supposed to be a Christmas ornament but I realized that I wanted it out year round. 

I finally got it in a shadow box today. It is my daily reminder of that first dizzy fall into love with an amazing man. My husband. 

I am one lucky girl. 

Thankful

This is what I am thankful for this year...

There is nothing better!

Not Falling Apart

Yesterday started out as a normal day.

I got up, took the husband to work so I could have the car for the day, headed to my doctor appointment, ran errands and came home.

Yesterday afternoon, though, it occurred to me that I hadn't felt the baby move since the night before. And my Dr. had a little trouble finding his heartbeat at my appointment that morning.

I did my best to remain calm. I really have not freaked out about anything since this pregnancy started. So I drank a large glass of orange juice and laid down on my side like they recommend to get the baby moving.

I laid down for an hour, switching sides, and nothing was happening. He wasn't moving at all.

Cue major freak out. I got in the car and started driving to my husband's office. I called him crying and told him what was happening and he had me call my doctor. I called my doctor and they told me to head to the hospital.

I was pretty much hysterical. I got to my husband's office and we headed to the hospital.

They got me in pretty quickly and got me on the monitors. They found his heartbeat right away. They were showing me his movements on the monitors and I still couldn't feel him moving at all. They monitored him and me for a couple hours and in that time I only felt him once at the very end (and after a nurse came and started pressing on my belly) and according to the monitors he was moving constantly.

They did the ultrasound and apparently his back has turned to my belly and his hands and feet are facing my back making it more difficult for me to feel him move. My placenta also moved and is blocking some of his movements.

So, I'm not crazy. Or hormonal and over-reacting. Thank goodness.

I was so afraid I would go in and they would treat me like I was a hysterical, hormonal, crazy woman. But they didn't. They said I did all the right things by drinking the juice and lying down and when it didn't work, coming in. That made me feel so much better. I am so impressed by the staff at our hospital and I am now more happy than ever that we have chosen that hospital for this little man to be born at.

At the end of the night I was absolutely exhausted and could barely bring myself to drag myself into bed.

I am so thankful for my husband who was amazing through the whole thing and stayed very calm which calmed me down, too. He was just what I needed to keep me from going over the deep end (at least more than I already had). I love him and I am so grateful for him.

When it's all said and done, the little man is ok, perfect even, and although I was scared out of my mind for a few hours I will take that scare and the positive results over the alternative.

Now, I need no more scares for the next 7 1/2 weeks!!!!

Then

In two days my two year wedding anniversary will be here.

It feels like time as flown.

I'll be brutally honest here... the first year was harder than I ever thought it could be. I thought our first year would be so easy because we lived together before we got married. Not the case, my friends.

There were times when I really wondered if we would make it. We had huge challenges and struggles that a lot of people never have to deal with (think clomid).

This second year has had it's challenges but it has truly been easier than the first. I feel like the husband and I have been at such a good place. We've learned a lot about each other and ourselves. We've definitely learned to communicate more effectively and we've learned to be more understanding of the other. We've learned to give each other more grace.

Every single day we choose to love each other. I look at him and think that I would choose this man every single day over and over again, no matter what.

We're definitely not perfect in all that we do but we've come a long way.

I can honestly say that each year with him is better than the last. Each day I wake up next to this man I count myself incredibly blessed. He makes me laugh and listens to my crazy rants, takes incredible care of me and even spoils me with purses and back rubs.

I don't know that I can ask much more than that!

He's also pretty damn cute!

Happy Anniversary, Baby!! I love you more today than I ever thought possible!!

12 Weeks

I am 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.

I just want to take a moment and reflect on that. I also want to say how incredibly grateful I am to be at this point. I am overwhelmed.

This last week or so has been a little hectic. I went to my first ob appointment and I was less than thrilled with the OB. She was pretty rude the whole time and pretty much called me a liar and also did not seem to understand PCOS and all that went with it. She was a... treat.

I did get an ultrasound, though.

This is the lil nug at 11 weeks. This ultrasound really hit me in such a more emotional way than the others before it. Even more than seeing and hearing the heartbeat because at this ultrasound I got to see the lil nug MOVE. It was... unbelievable. There was my tiny little baby wiggling around and waving it's tiny arms and legs. It truly looked like it was dancing. And it's really starting to look like a REAL baby! It was an amazing moment. 

Needless to say I decided to ditch that Ob, though. She was a real bitch. I got set up with another OB and I really like him so I think we'll stick with him. 

Other than doctor appointments this last week has been mostly about me staying in bed. I got a migraine that kept me down for a day and my nausea has made a reappearance which has kept me pretty useless the last week. 

I wanted to be pregnant for such a long time. I knew there were aspects to pregnancy that would not be easy and would challenge me but I think I also majorly romanticized it. I thought if I can just get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy than nothing else will matter. And to a certain extent that is absolutely true. I am thrilled to be pregnant. 

But, physically, this is hard. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. This isn't me complaining about being pregnant at all. This is me being completely realistic. It is just... hard. 

Now, would I trade any of the difficulty? Absolutely not. Because the end reward will be worth it times a thousand. But I definitely glossed over the difficult aspects of this in my mind and I have most assuredly gotten my reality check!!!

In other news, I am changing my degree plan. I was working on my associates and then when finished with that was going to transfer to my Bachelor's but I decided to go ahead and switch over to my bachelor's program now. The classes are shorter and I will be able to make my schedule a little more family friendly. 

My husband will be done with his last class of his degree soon and I can't wait until he can take a break from school and just relax a little. He has been in school non-stop for over three years only taking two weeks off a year and I can't wait to see him be able to relax and enjoy himself for a bit. He works way too hard. 

Again, this post was a little all over the place and had no real theme or goal. Sorry I've been so scattered. Hopefully as I get into this second trimester I will be feeling more like myself and be more dedicated. Until then, I'm thinking about you all and I can't wait to hear about more BFP's!!!! 

The Good Life

I've definitely calmed down after my angry rant the other day. I'm calmer and in a better place but I still stand behind that rant because those feelings were and are so real and I think it's important to recognize that anger that we've all felt going through this journey.

But, on a more positive note, this weekend I will be travelling to Savannah, GA to celebrate this man and his amazing accomplishments.

He is graduating with his Bachelor's degree this Sunday and I could not be more proud of him and how hard he has worked.

I cannot WAIT to watch my baby walk that stage!

I love my husband more and more each day and I will never know how I got so lucky to marry someone as amazing as he is!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!!

I thought I would do a short post about something that I am thankful for (and yes, there are things to be thankful for in the midst of this infertility crap).

The number one thing that I am thankful for is my Husband. He loves me day in and day out when I am mad, sad, annoying and frustrating. He takes care of me when I am sick, sad and happy and well. He truly loves me in ways that I never thought possible.

No matter what happens I am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful man who loves me and would do anything to make me happy.

And... In honor of Thanksgiving... here is a fun picture of me with the first Turkey I ever cooked. His name was Tucker and he was delicious.

Yep. That's a picture of me taking a picture of myself with my first turkey! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have the Best Husband!!

Today the husband and I went to the outlets to do some shopping. The main goal was some warmer clothes for our upcoming trip to Boston to visit my extended family for Thanksgiving.

We got my husband and a great coat and spent the majority of the day looking for a coat for myself. I found several I liked but they didn't have my size. And the ones that I did find in my size I didn't like at all. Near the end of the day I was in tears because I was so frustrated.

We were about to leave and I wanted to go into the Coach Outlet (let me just tell you, I ALWAYS want to go into the Coach Outlet).

We were looking for a few minutes and I was trying to make it quick because we were both pretty tired. I never intended to buy a thing, I just like to browse and look at all the pretties.

Well, my adorable husband surprised me and bought me the purse that I fell in love with....

Yeah. I know. Super cute.

He said it's my treat for all the fertility treatments and whatnot that I've gone through in the last 19 months.

Like I said... I have the best husband EVER! He's adorable and so sweet.

I am one lucky girl.

This is a man's world....

So my better half has asked me to give a viewpoint into the world of infertility from the eyes of a husband. To start maybe I should explain what being a husband means to me. As a husband I feel like it is my job to make my wife happy in every way that I can. That means the small things like taking out the trash without having to be asked, remembering to tell her how much I appreciate all the she does to keep our home up while I'm at work, or tucking her hair behind her ear before I give her a kiss. On the other hand there are all the big things as well. It is my job to protect her from all of the bad things of this world. If that means fighting a dragon with a pillow and some water balloons to keep her safe, then so be it. Well to me, this PCOS and infertility problem is even bigger than a dragon. It is like some mythical creature that I can't see, can't touch, and the only sound it makes is the muffled tears through a bathroom door at the passing of another month.

It's pretty hard to express in words how hard it is to see the most important person in the world to you suffer and fight against something. It is even worse to know that there is nothing you can do to fix it. I'm a fixer, I'm a fighter, I don't even know how to sit still when I get home from work exhausted, let alone while she is suffering like she does. And then there is the feelings she has of having to deal with everything alone because I can't understand what it's like, "To be broken", as she puts it. And the worst part is, she's correct, I can't understand how she feels, despite my desperately wanting to. So there is all of the wonderful fun of not being able to do my job as a husband.

Then you add to that the wanting a baby so bad I can't stand it. I've never loved anyone as much as I love my wife, and the thought of having children with her makes me so happy. And no matter how hard we try we can't seem to make a baby. And of course everyone we know is now having children, which only makes it even harder. All in all, this situation sucks for everyone. I just thought that maybe some of her readers may be interested in a brief view through the window into the life of infertility as a loving husband. This is a man's world.....or at least this is this man's world...

The Husband

has a blog!

I've been bugging him for awhile to start one and he finally has!

He's smart, opinionated and does NOT pull punches. So go on and check it out!

I'm pretty proud of him if I do say so myself. :)

Thank You for Your Service

I have been sitting on this post for a little over a month. I wanted to share but I didn't feel ready and I wanted an appropriate time. Today seems to be the day.

At the beginning of August a good friend of mine came to visit with her Mom. I took them all over town to show them a good time. One day we decided to go to St. Augustine, FL. It's the oldest continually inhabited town in America. It's quaint, adorable and lots of fun.

We went and ate at Santa Maria where we got to feed fish and birds from our table. And got a personal dolphin show. It was so much fun!

As we were driving into town to go shopping I saw a man on the corner. He was holding a cardboard sign that said "Out of work Veteran. Will work for food."

I was immediately heartbroken. There are so many vets that really have a hard time transitioning from service to corporate America. I started digging in my purse for cash and since we were at a red light I had my friend call him over to the car and give him the money. As he took it from us I looked at him and said "Thank you for your service." He teared up. I saw the pride in his eyes and how hard it was for him to take handouts.

As we drove away he stood on the sidewalk and saluted us. My heart was full and I teared up myself. This man could have so easily been my husband. Someone who risked life and limb for our country. As the wife of a veteran I felt such a responsibility to help this man who had put our freedom above his personal safety.

All I could think about, as I drove away to spend my frivolous day shopping, was my husband and the sacrifices he made. I was thinking about all the men and women who fight daily for our country. And all the people who sacrifice to make sure that my home is safe and secure. All the families who do without their loved ones for the greater good. And all the people who have given their lives for me and my family.

So, today on the 9th Anniversary of 9/11. Thank you for your Service. We will never forget.

Take Me the Way I am

In exactly two weeks it's my first wedding anniversary. I have to say that I am REALLY excited about it. I've had very few anniversary celebrations in my life and definitely none celebrating getting married!
So I decided to do a post dedicated to my anniversary. I would do it in two weeks but I am going to have 5 extra people in my house and I very much doubt I will have time.
We got married in Vegas. Now I had never ever considered myself a get hitched in Vegas sort of girl (although I was definitely the party it up in Vegas girl when i was single). When we got engaged and we started planning we quickly realized we couldn't afford a huge wedding. After a suggestion from my Father In Law (one of the sweetest men in the entire world) I started really considering the Vegas idea. But I really wanted to make sure that it didn't turn out too tacky.
We ended up getting married at Treasure Island. I wasn't thrilled about putting the words Treasure Island on my invitations but they had an adorable chapel and a package that included limos, flowers, a suite, champagne, video, pictures etc for $1300. Hard to pass up. It ended up being beautiful. And we had a hilarious pastor (think Princess Bride).
I walked down the aisle to At Last by Etta James. I had a bouquet made by my mother, a handkerchief hand stitched by my grandmother and an angel pin that belonged to my mother in law's mother. I had hot pink heels on and my veil was handmade by my mother and I had made some cute hot pink panties that said Mrs. Quincey across the butt.
Right when the music started I was in a hallway all by myself. I wasn't nervous but I had butterflies. I walked down the aisle (very short aisle) with my father. As soon as those doors opened all I could see was his face. Everything in me melted and settled all at the same time. I thought I would get so emotional and cry all over the place but all I could do was look at this man that I loved so much and think  ‘Thank God you found me.'
Our reception was at Maggiano's Little Italy (if you haven't eaten there... go immediately). We had about 30 wedding guests. Our first dance was to Calling You by Blue October (the acoustic version). The food was AMAZING. Although I didn't get to eat much as there just was not any more room in that dress. Everyone just PARTIED. It was literally the most fun I had ever had. Everyone danced and danced. The open bar helped a lot. At one point my maid of honor was getting low with my mother in law. It was just so great.
It was all over way too soon. I am so thankful that I had a flawless wedding day. Even the things that went wrong just make me laugh. That day I married my best friend, the man who makes me laugh everyday, takes care of me, tolerates my inconsistencies and loves me for who I am. It hasn't always been easy this past year but there is no one I would rather wake up to every morning. I feel so blessed.
In honor of the best day of my life... A slide show of our day...