Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Both Sides Now

First, I want to thank all of you so much for all the love and support I've gotten over the last few days. I am truly overwhelmed and grateful to share my story with all of you.

For the last few days I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I want to handle this pregnancy here on the blog. I want to handle it with sensitivity and I also want to rejoice and celebrate this time in my life.

Let's be honest here, there is a gushing pregnant woman inside me dying to get out. I want to celebrate this time in my life and be able to document the milestones of my pregnancy. And I feel like I deserve that. I worked for this pregnancy. I poured my heart and soul into the process of getting here and I earned it. I do not want to ignore that and I do not think I should have to.

At the same time, I know how much of a blow positive pregnancy tests are to all of you who are still in the trenches. I know how it makes you ache and ask 'why not me?' Even when it is someone who deserves that BFP it is still a hard blow. I know that. It is something that I struggled with for almost two years.

And I will be a little more honest here.... I have a bit of survivors guilt. I feel a little guilty that I got here when all of you wonderful women are still fighting to get here. I wish I could express how much I want this for all of you.

I also want to keep this blog true to what it started as. It started out as a way to document my journey with infertility and to parenthood. At it's core this blog is about infertility and the struggles that go along with it and while I want to recognize and revel in my pregnancy I do not want to forget my roots.

So, please, bear with me as I struggle to find the right line between pregnancy and the last two years that brought me to this moment.


Sarah Q

14 comments:

  1. I can't speak for others but I'm HAPPY for you and I want you to revel in the beauty that is pregnancy! I'm sure you'll do a fine job finding the balance. =)

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  2. Those who are unable to handle your good news will do what they need to do to protect themselves. If that means they can't read anymore, then that's how it is, IMHO. We're all entitled to feeling the amazing joys and happiness that comes with what we've been working for. I know I expect nothing less from those that struggled to get pregnant but sheer joy. And to be honest, reading about people's successes gives me hope. Congrats again.

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  3. Oh you are just the sweetest! I too think you have earned the right to be happy. Like Randi said, those you can't be happy for you (even if they want to be) can stop reading until they are ready. Now go shout the good news from the rooftops and start browsing the baby section :o)

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  4. Pshhaaa...It's YOUR blog. You blog about what you want. If someone doesn't want to read it, fine. Otherwise, blog on with your bad (preggo!) self.

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  5. I think that what you have gone through to get to this point will always be in the back of your mind, and survivor's guilt is such a great way to describe it...
    Even if it stings like lemon juice in a wound, I doubt there is ANYONE who has followed your story, that is not genuinely happy for you and your dreams coming true...it just brings up other emotions too...emotions that you have felt before as well!

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  6. Gush about it! Then give the rest of us in the trenches pointers about a pregnancy that started with infertility. It's your blog. Your story. I am thrilled for you and the little ones.

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  7. Thanks for thinking of us, but write what you need to. Like someone else said, those who are having a hard time will not read the blog that day. But this is what all infertiles wish for each other. Do you know how depressing it would be if none of us EVER came through it with a baby?
    I'm happy for you and I want you to be around when I get my BFP too. Someday.

    http://missconception-ads.blogspot.com/

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  8. I read your title and the Carly Simon song began playing in my head. The second recording had so much depth because of all that she had been through in life. People respected the song more when sang with such conviction.

    You can write this blog with that same conviction. I can understand your weariness and empathize with you. But you have earned this joy and you have earned this happiness. We want to rejoice with you!

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  9. you are so very considerate! i know where you come from with that; i didn't know how to "graduate" from infertile to pregnant without stepping on anyone's toes.
    i started a separate blog when i got pregnant. it was solely dedicated to my pregnancy with zora, and i started a separate one for kellan as well. more of a baby book kind of thing. my blog now is my family blog, and the only one i post to.
    bottom line is, while it's wonderful to be so considerate, you DID work hard. you DO deserve to gush. and i can't wait to read about your adventures during this new journey.
    you will serve as an inspiration and source of hope for so many women now; they have seen you struggle, now they will see you glow!

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  10. First of all, a BIG Congratulation to your pregnancy! Amazing story which I have followed for a while. I understand the sensitive issue but as others just said, it's your blog and therefore your choice! This gives hope to others so.. Cheers for happy healthy nine month to come.

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  11. Congratulations!!! It sounds like you've worked incredibly hard to get to this point and have every right to be happy. I do completely understand though being in that in between place of trying to reconcile all that has happened to get you to this point and also trying to be happy to be in the moment. Wishing you a lovely uneventful nine months!

    ~LFCA

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  12. Hi! I got to your blog via SIF's blog, and I'd love to follow you and watch you meet your new little one (s) :-) Just wanted to introduce myself so I'm not a creepy stalker follower!

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  13. I think that of us in this community will rejoice with you, hard as that may be sometimes. I'm pregnant, too, and it's been a struggle to draw the right line, but pregnancy after IF has its own complications ... we'll be here to cheer you on, through all of it.

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  14. Wishing you all the best! You have achieved what we all wish and hope for. Be happy. This community is here for you.

    -LFCA

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