Thursday, March 8, 2012

Jumbled, Confused, and Hurt

Of course, you guessed it, this post is about PAIL.

I have so many thoughts concerning this issue that's popped up in this community the last few days.

First, I am sure you all see the link to PAIL on the side of my blog. So, you know that I do not see it as a hurtful action against others.

Before anything I want to clarify something. Joining PAIL does not, and never will, mean that I am leaving the ALI community behind and that I've 'moved on'. It simply means that I wanted to meet and connect with others who are in the same place as I am. That's it. It's a way to connect and build new relationships NOT leave old ones behind.

Fact: I follow and comment on more IF blogs than parenting or pregnancy blogs. I will ALWAYS be there for those still waiting on their babies. ALWAYS. Joining PAIL does not mean that I will remove my support from others. The insinuation that some will do that just because they listed their blog with PAIL is, frankly, disgusting and insulting.

Fact: Joining PAIL does not mean that blog posts are going to be in new places. They will still be in the same place. PAIL is simply a way to find new blogs and therefore new people that one might have something in common with. Basically, it's adding your blog link in a new place. That's it.

It is not a community that meets and gloats over their reproductive success.

The comments that have occurred in the last few days are atrocious. Comparing levels of infertility? Really?!? They make me sick to my stomach and has seriously shaken my faith in this community as a whole.

And when it comes to that... I have a huge problem with the bitterness in the ALI community. I understand it, I really do, but it also makes me cringe. I HATE HATE HATE the awful comments I see towards women who aren't reproductively challenged. Since when did this woman on woman hating become ok?

Since when is it okay to judge and be rude about women who are EXCITED to be pregnant and having a family?!? Shouldn't we all be rejoicing that a child is being born to someone who has so much love to give?

Would I get jealous when I saw all my friend get pregnant easily? Sure. ABSOLUTELY. But I was so thankful that they had so much love for their babies. I look up to these women who are so incredibly excited to expand their family that they cannot help but to share their love and excitement with others. I think THAT is amazing.

It's ok to be happy for others but sad for yourself. But there is a line.

You know what? Be angry at people who abuse their children, smoke through their pregnancies and generally don't take care of their kids. That makes me angry. And, I'll admit, extremely judgmental.

I am just sick to death of censoring myself here. I've been doing it since I got pregnant. And I've seen several comments and posts that said that some are offended at the thought of someone editing themselves in order to protect their feelings. So... at the advice of those people, I will not edit here.

It remains to be seen if I can handle the ugly comments and emails. If I can't then blogging is clearly not for me and I will shut this blog down. It is something that I will have to seriously consider as I move forward with this space.

Sarah Q


  1. I'm still TTC and won't join PAIL till I have a baby at home, but yeah, I've been shocked by the response as well.

    I wrote a blogpost saying pretty much what you say here.

    I'm sorry you (and many of the members of PAIL) have been made to feel so bad.

  2. I love you friend, and I hate that this whole thing has left so many feeling so wounded. I am completely with you - the ugliness I have seen is NOT OK. I just really do not understand that kind of hatefulness, and I'm not sure I ever will.

    Thinking of you lady... and your beautiful little man! :)

  3. I'm not really sure what's going on with the blog communities, but I will throw my two cents in, anyway. I'm proud of you! I am proud of you for several reasons: your joy at having B-man, your honesty, your ability and pride to stand up for what you believe in, your strength and stamina through everything. There are several more reasons, but you get the point. Never censor yourself. You've got too many good things to say for that. You've fought too hard to get where you are to be hindered by hurt feelings on the internet. I applaud you.

  4. I found you through a comment you left on MissConception. And I agree with you whole heartedly. Thank you for not censoring yourself. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for standing up for what you believe. And thank you for continuing to support those ladies still struggling with IF. We need more bloggers like you.

  5. I agree with the above ladies. No reason to censor yourself--it's YOUR blog. You're blogging about your life. I do admit, though, that I know it's easier said than done. I try not to talk about my pregnancy too much for fear of offending someone. But hells bells...

    Brady's so stinkin' cute too. Show him off!

  6. What a brilliant and honest post. It sums up many of the reasons I stopped blogging and mirrors alot of what I was trying to communicate in my post today regarding starting to blog again and why I took a break. Thanks for writing this! And thank you for your comment on my blog, I am now a follower!


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