Friday, December 17, 2010

Because We Can

The other day I was walking through Target and I let myself do something that I haven't let myself do in a very long time.

I walked through the baby section.

At first, as I walked through I felt sad because I just kept thinking about how badly I wanted to buy things from this section for myself and my baby.

And then I remembered... Oh yeah. I'm pregnant!

As I continued on through I really felt like an intruder. I felt like I was in trespassing and about to eat the forbidden fruit. I found myself glancing over my shoulder waiting for someone to tell me to get out because I obviously was not a mommy and not allowed. I felt like an intruder.

I reached out and was about to buy myself a plain pack of white onesies (gender neutral people) and I couldn't do it. I felt like I didn't deserve to buy something like that yet.

courtesy of google images

This pregnancy has not sunk in yet (despite the rapidly increasing morning sickness).

I don't feel like I belong in the pregnancy club.

But I don't feel like I belong in the infertility club either, anymore.

I feel like I am in a bit of a no man's land and I am hoping I find where I fit soon.

Sarah Q

8 comments:

  1. This post reminds me of how I felt in the liquor store even after I turned 21. I kept waiting for people to card me and then accuse me of having a fake ID because it was from another state :) As you might expect, that never happened. I will say however, that I think it makes sense to wait until you're firmly in the 2nd trimester before buying much. Maybe that's because I come from a family of superstitious Jews, but I think it's also a reality of the fragility of pregnancy. I always thought it was stupid that the baby shower isn't until later in the pregnancy before I was part of this community. I used to think you'd want to set up the whole nursery while you were still more mobile.

    But you are pregnant - and you do deserve to hang out in the baby aisle. I think we all deserve to, pregnant or not. Sending you best wishes, and onesies galore.

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  2. You deserve to be a member of both. You have paid your "dues" and will be able to strattle the line because you have been there and are now going to dabble in another club.
    Don't feel bad for wanting to be happy and move on.
    I was getting something for my Nephew today so I had to hang out in the baby section...I belonged there are an aunt and hopefully I will change that status to mommy sometime soon.

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  3. Think of it as having dual citizenship. Enjoy being able to identify with both groups of women!

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  4. dual citizenship...i like that! and even though it still feels odd, you SO belong there! live it up and buy some onesies. you mentioned the morning sickness; is it bad yet?

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  5. it is difficult, but I just want to say congratulations (here from lost and found)that is really amazing that you are pregnant, hope it happens soon for me too!

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  6. i read "infertile" blogs with the hope that they become FERTILE blogs. it gives me hope that i will transition to mommydom at some point. sure, it might be hard to hear that someone else is pregnant - but that doesn't mean that it doesn't contribute to the hope bank. :)

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  7. by the way, you'd be surprised at how many mommies-to-be are wandering around the baby department, feeling exactly the same way you do...
    ;-)

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  8. Congratulations!!!!
    (just found your blog due to ICLW)
    I would think it would take a while before being used to the idea of being pregnant after struggling!! But guess what? You are knocked up and everything is healthy! Go buy that gender neutral set, you will love it! haha

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