Thursday, September 23, 2010

WTF, Florida?!?

Over the course of our three years together my adorable and ever restless Husband has moved me across the country four times.

Yes, FOUR TIMES.

We met in Texas and three months later moved to Georgia (I know, it was fast). Six months after that we moved back to Texas. Less than a year later we moved to Phoenix, AZ. I lived in Arizona almost exactly nine months before we moved to Florida.

Where we currently reside.

I LOVE living in Florida. There isn't much that can make this girl happier than sunshine, the beach, a good pool and amazing shopping. There is a Chipotle that is less than five minutes away, too. That doesn't hurt things at all.

The other day while partaking in the aforementioned shopping I discovered something that I don't love about Florida.


LOVE BUGS. And yes, they're doing the nasty. They live just as long as they mate. As soon as they're done mating they die.

When I walked into the store there were none. When I walked out thirty minutes later they were EVERYWHERE. I had to bat them off of me as I made a run for the car.

Huge black swarming clouds of them.

I jumped in my car and got my door shut as quickly as I could. I immediately called a good friend of mine to tell her about this sudden plague on the state of Florida when something horrible and unexpected happened...

A set of love bugs flew in my mouth. And I swallowed them.

It was so sudden and unexpected and awful. I panicked. I hung up on my friend and started desperately drinking a hot soda I had left in my car. I swear I could feel them bumping uglies all the way down my throat.

I swallowed bugs while they were having sex.

WTF, FLORIDA!?!?!?



4 comments:

  1. Ahahahaha. Sorry, that sounds like something that would seriously happen to me. Sex bugs in your throat. I suppose in that case, the only option you had was to swallow.

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  2. I'm right there with you. I don't know what it is about FL that makes them swarm, but it's worse here than in a lot of states. The good news is that if you stay close to the beach, they won't bother you too much!

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  3. This really made me laugh. And gag. Great post!

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  4. Oh and they stink to high heaven when they die in bulk. Not to mention the mess they make on your windshield.

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