Through the Fire

I always thought my mom was being a little dramatic about her hot flashes when she was going through menopause... I am now officially apologizing. These hot flashes are a BITCH!!! I can barely even sleep in the same bed as my husband (although to be honest I have always had a hard time sharing my tiny queen size bed). I have always been overly cold all the time (due to my thyroid issues) so I really go everywhere prepared to be cold. Even during the summer... and I live in Phoenix. These hot flashes really took me by surprise. I am sure I look like a maniac running through the aisles of the grocery store ripping my hoodie off. They seem to happen a little less now and I hope they are going away. Damn Clomid (I didn't mean that, clomid! I still love you especially if you help me get pregnant!:)).

So, officially, as the first time I have definitely ovulated in years it is, of course, obvious that I am now obsessing over every tiny thing I feel hoping its my little bundle.

I have had a backache since last Tuesday... lower back like I get right before I start my period. It does seem to be less intense now. I have also had cramps.. again like my period is about to start. They started Friday and went through Sunday. They were most intense early Sunday morning (they woke me up). I have never had cramps like that except when I was on my period. I was CONVINCED I was starting really early (although that would be strange since most of mine have to be chemically induced) and kept going to the bathroom to check. Nothing.

Friday I started feeling nauseous. My husband wanted pizza for dinner, which I usually LOVE (means I don't have to cook!) and I went online to order from this new place he wanted to try and immediately started gagging when I just SAW the pictures of the pizza. I couldn't eat it, either. I could barely stay in the room with him while he ate. I ended up getting nuggets from McDonalds. I usually hate McDonalds and only go when we have the kids and I am forced into it. Weird. I felt nauseous on Saturday when we drove past KFC with the windows down but then that's what I really really wanted for dinner.

On Sunday I was good most of the day, I felt a little sick to my stomach before we went to dinner but then I was fine the rest of the night. Yesterday, however... VERY nauseous. So I had some Godiva chocolate cheesecake for breakfast. It was delicious. But then the nausea came back and I ended up laying down for a nap. We went grocery shopping later and even walking down some aisles in Sam's I was gagging (the huge containers of mayo and ranch really looked gross). My husband made gourmet bacon cheeseburgers on the grill... just about my favorite food ever. They were huge but one did not fill me up so I said what the hell and went for two... Halfway through I guess my stomach decided it didn't like bacon as much as it had 10 minutes before and I almost threw up. I felt sick the rest of the night.

I've had a few touches of heartburn. That really sucks. And I am convinced my nipples are darker. Husband took a picture of them last night so we can compare daily. Ha. I've had a few shooting pains in my boobs, too. Which is strange, my boobs never hurt. At all. EVER. In fact, they're almost numb. Even when they're touched I can barely feel it. It's a real letdown for my husband.

The only other major thing I am feeling is little pin pricks every now and then in my uterus area. And when I stretch it feels like I pulled something in my uterus. I am praying so hard that means I am pregnant! I have been stalking twoweekwait.com and reading other women's symptoms. I have a lot that other women do, too. But I am terrified that it is all in my head. Sunday I was CONVINCED that I was pregnant. Now I am convinced I am not but wishing I was. I've had these really vivid dreams about positive pregnancy tests. I hope that means something good.

In other non-baby related news.... the Husband did an AMAZING job on Valentine's Day. I got an engraved picture frame, a cookie jar (that says Quincey Family Cookies), a cookbook of all cookie recipes and a personalized card. :) Then he took me to see Valentine's Day (it was really good) and then to dinner at PF Chang's. Oh. And dessert from Cheesecake Factory. All in all, amazing day. He got the good lovin' that night! :D

I am working on not being stressed and just hoping this is it! In the meantime, I am preparing to have my step kids for Spring Break. And my mother... and my In-Laws. It's going to be a packed house. 7 people.... three beds. Should be interesting! :)