Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Trouble Sleeping

I talked to my Doctor's office last Friday. I updated them on everything that was going on. Which is A LOT. Last week I had my bloodwork for my thyroid done. It has FINALLY shown up that it is underactive (which we have suspected for years) and I am finally on medicine. Levoxyl. I was excited about that. It's been a really long time coming. But the pregnancy test came back negative. Disappointed. I was due to start around last Wednesday. Or so I thought. I have never had regular cycles so I wasn't too sure. But I got the positive OPK on February 7 (CD12) so I thought surely I would start on my own this month. Not happening.

Anyway, my Dr. told me to wait til CD35 (today) to take a pregnancy test. NEGATIVE. I have been cramping so badly for the last week. Which isn't abnormal when I am actually on my period. I have always had bad cramps. But I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED. I am getting frustrated. When other women are on clomid a single cycle is usually around 28-30 days (I realize there are exceptions). But for me a single cycle is usually 50-60 days. I hate the whole process. Wait and wait. Get your hopes up. Test. Test. Test. Negative. Progesterone for 5 days. Another 4 days til you actually start and another 3 days until you start the new round of clomid. I AM EXHAUSTED!!!!!

Last night the cramps were so bad they woke me up around 3 am and I was worried about waking up my husband so I literally walked around my house in the dark wimpering. I didn't get back in bed til his alarm went off.


I am in a very why me?!!? sort of mood right now. Maybe it has to do with the baby shower invite I got and having to go through registries to pick a gift out for my friend's baby girl.

I am getting really emotional right now. I know I should be thankful for all the wonderful in my life (and I swear on most days I am) it's just... I don't even know. I have that impending doom feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe its realizing that by the time I get through all the progesterone hoopla and actually start the clomid I will be taking it while my stepkids, in laws and my mother are here.

I am so full of anger, frustration, self pity, and fear right now. There is a huge part of me that is just simply terrified that I will never be pregnant and have a baby.

You know... I think I need some chocolate.


  1. Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers! I have dealt with those thoughts of wanting to be pregnant so badly. The longing can sometimes be overwhelming. If you ever want to chat personally, I am here.

  2. Thank you I appreciate that! I think my emotions and frustration are getting the best of me tonight! Cue the M&M's! :)

  3. Oh, wow. So sorry:-( But I've read that hypothyroidism really contributes a lot to infertility, so maybe as that levels out, you'll have some luck there:-)

    I'm going to get blood work tomorrow to see if thyroid issues are causing my problems. Apparently 5% of women have issued after the birth of a child. It wouldn't surprise me if I was one in that small percentage.

    On a positive note, maybe God is protecting you because uncontrolled thyroid problems can lead to miscarriages, so maybe He's giving your body time to respond to your new medicine. Maybe?

  4. That is entirely possible! My mother had 11 miscarriages and I was her 15th pregnancy. I am hoping that I don't have the same problems she did... although she got pregnant easily.

    Thanks for the encouragement! :)

  5. Sarah...so sorry. I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way!

  6. So sorry. That has to be so rough. Hoping and praying for you!


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