Last Thursday morning we went in for an ultrasound. This was the big one, the one where we would see if this little bun had a heartbeat.
We immediately saw it, and just as immediately I burst into tears of relief.
Let me tell you, crying during a vaginal ultrasound is its own special kind of awkward. Just sayin'.
Now that we have that out of the way I feel a huge sense of relief and joy in this pregnancy. I am excited for the future and can't wait to find out what we're having so I can start shopping.
This pregnancy was such a shock to us. We did not expect this, and although we were planning to start treatment soon, we did not plan on this happening right now. We thought we had a few months. At least.
And while I am overjoyed that this has happened and I didn't have to endure the follistim shots (and that I get to donate those back to my clinic) there is a part of me that is a little embarrassed.
What happened here, to us, this pregnancy... it perpetuates the myth.
Ever since my pregnancy with B (who is now officially 10 months old!) I have listened to people who don't know better tell me that I will get pregnant on my own now. My body knows what to do now and it will just happen.
I could not wrap my mind around the fact that just because I have had one successful pregnancy that I would now ovulate and my PCOS would be fine. I mean, it doesn't even make sense! I have a disease. A disease that has been confirmed (again) AFTER the birth of my son.
It just so happens that I ovulated on my own in the month of April. For the first time since 2007. Let's take a moment to think about that. It's been 5 years since I ovulated without medical assistance.
AND it just so happens there was sexy time that weekend. Also another kind of miracle as our lives and B have taken over and there isn't always time made for recreational activities (or lets be honest, I'd rather sleep).
The odds at work here are insane.
Every infuriating cliche we've all heard happened to me. Shoot, I even had my hsg the same month.
So here I am. And I want to shout from the rooftops that natural pregnancies just don't happen after a pregnancy just because someone has been pregnant. It just... doesn't.
But it did. To us. And I have nothing to back up my firm belief that this doesn't happen to most people who struggle with infertility. We all wish it did. It would be nice if it did.
But it doesn't.
So here I am. Happy and joyful at our luck, but also completely embarrassed to be perpetuating the myth for everyone else.