Surprise!

Well, my life is crazy. REALLY crazy.

I got my day 22 progesterone on May 4. They called and told me it wasn't a true ovulation and to start my 10 day dose of aygestin to bring on my period.

I took all ten days and expected my period to show up about 3-4 days after I finished the dose.

Never showed.

I was getting so frustrated. I was angry at my body and that it wasn't responding to the medication and that I was having to deal with further problems with my body.

Finally after a week of a no show period my mind started thinking... maybe I should take a pregnancy test and then my period will show. We all know that's how it works.

Tuesday night around 9 PM I took a test.

It turned positive before I was even done peeing on it. Just like it did with B.

COMPLETE SHOCK.

I got in the next day for beta. Results came yesterday afternoon. 4888. Holy crap.

At first they told me that my hugh number indicated an ectopic pregnancy. I knew that it wasn't. I just knew.

Then they told me my progesterone was only 8.2. I freaked out. I obviously know how important progesterone levels are. When I was pregnant with B I had perfect progesterone levels. So I freaked out.

Thankfully, I already had some crinone in my bathroom and they started me on that immediately. Its gross but I don't care. Whatever I need to do.

This morning I went in for an ultrasound. The pregnancy is definitely in my uterus. The gestational sac was visible, as was the yolk sac. I'm measuring 5 weeks 6 days so it is still too early to see the baby or heartbeat. Also, my RE's ultrasound machine SUCKS. Big time. Even follicle checks are barely visible on that machine. I miss my old RE.

I got the call from the nurse this afternoon going over everything. Turns out they started using new progesterone kits at the end of April. The kits have different values (don't ask me to explain that because I don't understand it at all). So when they said my progesterone was under 5 on May 4 it was actually closer about 8 (indicating ovulation) and when they said it was 8.2 yesterday it's actually over 12.

It's still low for pregnancy and remains a concern but it's a lot better than 8.2!

So there you have it. We are pregnant with baby number 2. And it happened the old fashioned way... hurried, frantic sex before the baby starts crying.

Not very romantic, but definitely a wonderful gift. We are extremely grateful and hopeful.

You are my Joy

I haven't even started writing this post yet and I am already crying.

I feel so blessed. And grateful.

I didn't know how my first Mother's Day would hit me. I didn't know I would get so emotional and it's not even until tomorrow. I didn't know if I would have mixed emotions about the day.

Mostly, I cried as I rocked my son to sleep tonight because I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am. He has turned my world upside down into a chaotic, messy, tornado. I wouldn't change a thing. He is my joy. If my heart could burst with love, it would.

I could not ask for more than my beautiful boy.

Today I cry with joy at my blessings.

But, I have not forgotten all of you still waiting.

Tomorrow I will think about every single one of you. You are not alone. I have not forgotten the journey that brought me to this place in my life. I have not forgotten all of the amazing women who stood by me on my journey and I stand with you now.

So, tomorrow, Mother's Day, I am thinking about all the expectant mommies, first time and seasoned mommies, the mommies who had to say goodbye too soon, and the mommies who are still waiting to say hello.

You are all in my heart and I am better for knowing you all.

Things are Happening

My new favorite time to blog is when I should be doing school work. It is really helping my GPA. Just kidding, I have a great GPA even if I am the worst procrastinator on the face of the planet.

First of all, my great friend over at Bumpy Journey, gave me a great recommendation on a doctor. We have become really great friends in real life over the last few months. Her baby, Oat, is five weeks older than B and we take Kindermusik classes together and do lunch after. I am so thankful for her friendship!

Anyway, at her advice I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor. I got in Monday after calling Friday afternoon (awesome), got my blood work done, and just like I suspected, my thyroid is in a normal range after going off of my medication this last month. We are keeping a really close eye on it to make sure it stays where it needs to.

This means that I can start cycling without delay as long as my cyst is gone by my day 3 ultrasound! I start aygestin tomorrow, for 10 days, and then the official get me knocked up cycle begins!!

I never thought I would be ready this soon after having B (who just turned 9 months. Holy crap time flies). And, honestly, after the labor I went through I did not think I would be able to do it again. Ever.

Part of the reason we decided we're ready again is because I have learned over the last three years that I should not waste precious opportunities. We still have amazing insurance coverage that covers all my ultrasounds, bloodwork, and medications (including follistim and trigger shots). I am not ignorant to how blessed we are to have this coverage and I want to take advantage of it.

Also, who knows when my fertility will take an even bigger nosedive? I do not want to waste precious time and then find out my window has passed. So while I am a little petrified of trying to be pregnant with a toddler, and having a newborn and a toddler at the same time... I would rather have it now than look back 5 years down the road and realize my opportunity passed.

So, I am scared, but I am ready.

I still have some fears about baby number 2. I wonder how I could possibly love another baby as much as I love B (he fills my heart in a way I never thought possible). I am scared that I won't. My best friend assures me my heart will grow.

I am fearful that B will feel neglected (obviously we will do everything in our power for that to not be the case), but I worry about his feelings when he is used to having me and the husband's full attention.

I think these fears are natural, though. I think they are normal (even for fertile women) and I am sure that I will work it out when the time comes.

Right now, though, in this time... I am really excited to be cycling again.

I feel the hope growing with every day that passes.