I'm not Dead

So I have been a really bad blogger lately.

Between trying to be a good student (semi-successful), being a good wife and getting dinner on the table every night (VERY unsuccessful) and keeping my house from being a complete wreck and doing laundry (dude. COMPLETE FAILURE); I have let a few things slip through the cracks. Sorry about that.

There are a couple things I've been thinking about these last few weeks on my blogging break. The first is that I am ready to put my pregnancy guilt aside and start celebrating this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I am, ALWAYS, still pulling for all of you but for me, it is time to embrace this time in my life.

The first step was donating my unused follistim to my clinic to be given to a couple who really, really needed it. It was my personal leap of faith that this pregnancy will be 100% successful. My husband was reluctant to let them go that soon but once I explained to him why I needed to do it he was on board.

I hope that my good luck was sent along with my meds to someone who really needs it.

Also, we made our first baby purchase a few weeks ago. It was just a onesie and matching bib but it was fun to be finally investing myself fully in this miracle.

Yep. We bought a thanksgiving onesie. I could not find anything else that was gender neutral that I could get on board with. Gender neutral baby clothes tend to lean towards a lot of yellow and ducks. 

A few of you have asked what was in my graduation bag and it wasn't too exciting but I did get a few magazines, samples and a few diapers in a nice blue canvas bag with my clinic's motto on it "Where dreams are conceived."

Anyway, this post is a little bit all over the place and kind of a catch all with no real theme but I do promise not to be so absent in the future!

A Perfect Moment

We got to see the lil nug again the other day. Everything is right on track and perfect. Heart rate was 180 and I got much more emotional this time around hearing that heartbeat. I don't think it sunk in with me last time that it was truly what I was hearing. 

I am now officially released from my clinic and I even got a graduation gift bag. That made me laugh. I had no idea there were graduation gifts beyond a healthy pregnancy and baby.

My first OB appointment isn't until January 25 and hopefully everything will still be look excellent then, too. 

Life is not Fair

This is something that I have come to realize more and more lately.

Obviously, it was something that I lamented over the long 21 months that the husband and I tried to conceive. It was often a battle cry for me, "This isn't FAIR!" and "Why me?!".

Now that I have achieved the goal of getting pregnant and everything seems to be going very well I am still asking the same questions.

I feel it isn't fair that I am here carrying my dream when there are so many of you out there who are not. My heart aches for all of you so much. I think when I was going through infertility myself my heart was aching too much for myself for there to be room for it to ache for all of you. And now I am here, heart breaking that so many of you haven't made it here yet.

I do believe that you will all have your families. I do. With everything in me I know that all of us will end up with our happy families in the end. One way or another. We're too determined and deserving. I just have to believe that this will happen for all of us. One way or another.

I just had to get this out. I had to let you all know that as happy as I am for myself (and make no mistake I am crazy happy for my good luck) I am still thinking of all of you and praying for you every single day. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and I am pulling for each and every one of you.